i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
