OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
