1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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