I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
