I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
