Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
