kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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