are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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