did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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