girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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