Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this hospital has no fireball
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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