theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
