I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
