Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
