We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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