I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
