haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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