Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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