My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
