one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
