just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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