im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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