Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
