I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
