Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
