i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
