Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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