bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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