How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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