so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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