I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
