This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
