He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
