Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize