Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
