Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
