our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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