i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was born a porn star she said
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
