my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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