I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
