Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
