i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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