Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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