Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
