dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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