if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
