I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
