He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
