Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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