My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
